Descriptive Sentences

VIVID VS. VAGUE LANGUAGE

The sensory details you select in your writing should create for your reader the same picture you have in your mind. Instead of using vague, general words, your sensory language should be concrete and sensory-packed. This makes the difference between vivid and and vague language. Take a look at the comparison between vague and vivid sentences.

Vague	Vivid
The food was unappetizing.	The pale turkey slices floated limply in a pool of murky fat.
The sprinkler was refreshing.	The cool water from the sprinkler sprayed our hot faces.
The traffic was heavy.	Our old car puffed as Main Street became clogged with a line of clamoring motorists.

WHAT TO AVOID WHEN USING SENSORY DETAIL

• Too many adjectives—retain only the most powerful words in your writing, deleting any unnecessary words
• Too many adverbs—verbs are stronger than adverbs. She strolled into the room is more powerful than She walked casually into the room.
• Clichéd figures of speech—overused language, such as green with envy, signals a lack of imagination. Use fresh, descriptive words that go against rote thinking.

Now, consider this paragraph with all five sensory descriptors: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch.

My sister and I walked along the boardwalk one afternoon on our vacation. The hot boards warmed our bare feet. We watched the foam-covered waves topple over each other and then slide back into sea. The crashing water competed with the exuberant yells from the seagulls. We bought a perfectly oval fluff of pink cotton candy that dissolved sweetly in our mouths. Afterwards, we walked along the edge of the water, letting the warm salty air blow our hair away from our necks as the cool water lapped over our toes.